Target's Cheese Pizza: NOT Your Friend!!!

Now, it may not come as a surprise to some that eating a personal cheese pizza from Target's "Pizza Hut" is asking for trouble... However, in my delirium of shopping, I decided to listen to my very cranky stomach at nearly 10pm and partook of such a pizza.

I should have thought twice about the fact that someone else had vomited in the Target bathroom. I should have thought thrice when the girl traded out my pizza box with another saying, "uh, here. This one's more fresh". Oh, but my stomach was not to be stopped! It would not listen to my brain shouting, "you don't even LIKE cheese!" No, it set it's rumblings about that little box of cardboard and would have no other.
What it didn't know is what really laid inside was a large amount of bacteria lovingly placed inside a gooey, round shaped facade.

Just look at this ad and tell me, would your stomach be fooled?!?

This ad is RIGHT! While some pizza companies might want to lay off adding bacteria to their personal pan pizzas, Pizza Hut refuses to cut corners!

That's right my lovely readers, I ended up with the WORSE case of food poisoning I have EVER had in my life!!!

At some point yesterday, when I was trying to figure out how to get out my predicament, I landed on Web MD's article on "Recognizing Food Poisoning"as well as a few other web articles. Not only did I have every single one of the symptoms (except for the ones for "Botulism", thank the good Lord above), I found them to be quite incomplete in their descriptions. So I thought it only fair to "talk shop" with you all and share my new knowledge...

"Food poisoning is a common, yet distressing and sometimes life-threatening problem for millions of people in the U.S., and throughout the world. People infected with foodborne organisms may be symptom-free or may have symptoms ranging from mild intestinal discomfort to severe dehydration and bloody diarrhea. Depending on the type of infection, people can even die as a result of food poisoning.
More than 250 different diseases can cause food poisoning. Some of the most common diseases are infections caused by bacteria, such as Campylobacter, Salmonella, Shigella, E. coli O157:H7, Listeria, and botulism." (Thanks WebMD!)

(Basically, it's a very wordy way of saying "Expect to feel like you've been flushed down the toilet... A FEW TIMES!")

And now... a drum roll for the symptoms...

• Acute Vomiting
  
• Acute Diarrhea

Basically "acute" is a nice way of saying expect a large stick of dynamite to be implanted into your stomach and not know which way it's going to explode- if you're lucky, expect it to go off at the same time! Yay!

• Abdominal Pain and Cramping

OK, now, being a lady, I am no stranger to the abdominal pain and cramping... let me tell you, this was NOT it! This felt like open wounds inside my body and my abdominal muscles were convulsing in a major temper tantrum!

• Nausea

I think this means "sick to your stomach". Uh, pretty sure the acute vomiting and diarrhea and abdominal pain and cramping had this one covered... nausea... sheesh!

• Fever and Chills

Imagine your worst day having the flu- the sweating, the shaking, the seeing weird things that aren't there- on top of all these other symptoms. Oh yeah, that was a blast. I had my face up against my open window and was surrounded in a million blankets.

• Malaise (what they in the medical profession define as "general uneasiness")

OK, now this might at first glance seem like a no brainer. But let me tell you what lie beneath the whole malaise surface... a restlessness that cannot be quenched. When you've thrown up for the SIXTH time, rest is your friend- but I could NOT lay still! I swear to you that my SKIN hurt!

• Headaches

Once the majority of the Acute Vomiting and Diarrhea had subsided, I realized I had had a headache the whole time. Isn't that weird? One of the ones on the top and sides of the head, like someone had been scrunching it for the last 24 hours. Probably fever related.




Now, here's what the medical professionals in their weird, impersonal way left out. If you have food poisoning, you can expect the following:

• Standing up WILL make you throw up again. I tried to walk halfway down the driveway (we're talking less than 50 yards) to meet my step-mom holding a bag of grocery goodies for me and after her heart-felt welcome of "Don't we look lovely" (followed by my groan and her hugging me and saying) "poor baby", I had to say, "uh, thanks, I gotta go..." ... run to the bathroom and throw up for the millionth time!


• Drinking water is a BAD idea (expect to see that again in about 5 minutes).


• Eating more than half a Popsicle is straight out (although it adds color to a rather unpleasant situation, so, for the aesthetically minded, maybe this may offer a humorous small relief).


• In fact drinking more than about a tablespoons worth of bright blue powerade or pedialite is not possible (both would make you want to vomit under any other circumstances, but today, they are your best friends!).


• Your family, regardless of any post-Thanksgiving tiffs, are truly your best friends!


• You will smell, your house will smell, everything smells, because vomit is coming out of your nose!


• If you have OCD, you also have my sympathy! I literally had a swarm of small fruit flies circling around my body at one point. I totally felt like Pig Pen! THIS IS NORMAL! Just try to embrace the disgusting- I tried taking a shower, because I couldn't handle it anymore, and that completely backfired!


• If you can't eat food yet, you really shouldn't be thinking about going back to work. This is a tough one for me, but important! Do you really want that gurgling stomach and intestine to stay gurgling all week?


• And, most importantly, call the health department and the manager of the store! If you can sit up, you're getting back the fight in you!!! =)

So, from all my research, it appears that the cheese in my pizza was not properly pasteurized. Someone phone Louis Pasteur!!! STAT!

The moral of my story is this: Target's Pizza Hut Personal Cheese Pizza- NOT your friend!!!

The sub-moral might be this: Vegan, it really IS better for your health!