Hero Words.

When you're weary, feeling small,
When tears are in your eyes,
I will dry them all;
I'm on your side.
when times get rough
And friends just can't be found,
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down..
Sail on silver(guy),
Sail on by.
Your time has come to shine.
All your dreams are on their way.
See how they shine...
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind.

???

What does the word "Holy" really mean?

I feel like all my associations are incorrect: the only thing that really comes close in my understanding is "clean" or "special" or "socially unacceptable" as in- don't stand there, walk there, touch that- you'll be frowned upon (like churches, historical monuments, etc...) or a phrase, "Holy Bathwater Batman!"...

I don't think that's what Holy means.

I was reading the whole Moses burning bush thing where God tells Moses to take off his sandals b/c he is standing on "Holy ground".

What does that mean?

Especially during Advent, as we grapple with a Holy God descending to be a baby, but still existing in perfection- still being "Holy"- where you can touch the robe of his Holy garment and be healed...

What does that mean?

I feel like I have daily examples of what it is NOT, but this word Holy can't simply mean "the opposite of sin", it is a SOMETHING...

"Holy"... huh.

MOVIE Reviews

I thought I'd help you out- what do you spend your $10 on at the theater? As it happens, I've been seeing some movies lately and here's what I think...

1) I Am Legend
Great movie and worth seeing in a theater. I saw the first midnight showing with friends and the audience's energy was great. Shorter on plot and slower than "28 days later" (Not to mention I'm rather sad Cillian Murphy wasn't in this one), but thick with emotion. And I liked the Bob Marley tie in. I still don't know how I feel about these zombies- I think I'm anti-CGI currently... which leads me to...

2) Beowolf
DO NOT SEE THIS MOVIE. Stay home and watch someone play a video game. Same thing. Totally needless gore that made me feel weird well into the day after I saw the movie.
Note to moviemakers- unless you are bringing something AMAZING to the table- lay off re-making the classics. Obviously the story has lasted this long in its form- do you really need to create this whole she-demon plot line? Boo.

3) Enchanted
Well, I liked it- I thought it was cute and good at reminding every woman why she's beautiful and that love is possible. However, I don't know the characters really made up their minds about what love should look like (a fairytale or "our world") by the end, and I feel like Disney was trying to just please people. I'm not going to recommend you see this- but if you happen to be babysitting and the kids want to watch this, it's not terrible.

4) Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium
I liked it. There were a lot of questions I had afterwards, but I don't think there's a lot of movies with well-developed plots this season. It's like summer movies were wrapped in a magical, imaginative package and labeled "Christmas, if you can".
Ok, back to the movie. I thought it was well acted, it served it's inspirational purpose and the kids liked it. I mostly liked the titles and credits and the sock monkey that broke my heart.
See it for a holiday movie- otherwise wait for it on DVD.

5)Hitman
Good. Granted I love movies like this. Thin on plot line (see above before I rant again), but definitely enjoyable. Brutal, cold, calculating, strong, peaceful ala Keanu Reeves leadman really made it worthwhile.
I prefer watching action movies in the theater but if you are none-the-wiser, wait for DVD.

6)Fred Claus
Yes I saw it- with family after a tree lighting ceremony. It was funny and light, but it had the cheesy-ultimate-christmas-ending ending, which made me wish Wayne and Garth were around to take me through at least two other additional endings.
I'd say, watch if for Christmas on DVD next year or see it on Christmas Day.

Well that's 6. That's like I just saved you $60, really.

Here's what I'm spending money on next:

"Juno"
http://www.foxsearchlight.com/juno/

and "Nightmare Before Christmas" in 3D.

Favorite Poems Today

Thought I'd share- hopefully you've heard the readings...
I've been in a very melancholy, dark mood all week. And these and dancing has been the only thing making me light.

(This one is dedicated to Adam and Danny- remembering a certain ocean suicide I wished for and never got a few years ago...)

The Ocean Doesn't Want Me Today
By Tom Waits

The ocean doesnt want me today
But Ill be back tomorrow to play
And the strangles will take me
Down deep in their brine
The mischievous braingels
Down into the endless blue wine
Ill open my head and let out
All of my time
Id love to go drowning
And to stay and to stay
But the ocean doesnt want me today
Ill go in up to here
It cant possibly hurt
All they will find is my beer
And my shirt
A rip tide is raging
And the life guard is away
But the ocean doesnt want me today
The ocean doesnt want me today

(This one is dedicated to Tim and our soaring Wings of Desire... and maybe Skippy too, since I can't seperate Skippy from Circuses- for which I will forever be simultaneously grateful and irritated... and to the word "spittle")

Circus
By Tom Waits

We put up our tent on a dark
Green knoll, outside of town by
The train tracks and a seagull dump
Topping the bill was Horse Face Ethel
And her 'Marvellous Pigs In Satin'

We pounded our stakes in the ground
All powder brown
And the branches spread like scary
Fingers reaching
We were in a pasture outside Kankakee

And One Eyed Myra, the queen of
The galley who trained the
Ostrich and the camels
She looked at me squinty with her
One good eye in a Roy Orbison
T-shirt as she bottle fed
An orangutan named Tripod

And then there was
Yodeling Elaine the
Queen of the air who wore a
Dollar sign medallion and she
Had a tiny bubble of spittle
Around her nostril and a
Little rusty tear, for she had
Lassoed and lost another
Tipsy sailor

And over in
The burnt yellow tent
By the frozen tractor, the
Music was like electric sugar
And Zuzu Bolin played
'Stavin' Chain' and Mighty
Tiny on the saw and he
Threw his head back with a
Mouth full of gold teeth
And they played 'Lopsided heart'
And 'Moon over Dog Street'

And by the time they played "Moanin Low"
I was soakin' wet and wild eyed
And Doctor Bliss slipped me a
Preparation and I fell asleep with
'Livery Stable Blues' in my ear

And me and Molley Hoey drank
Pruno and Koolaid and she had a
Tattoo gun made out of a cassette
Motor and a guitar string and
She soaked a hanky in 3 Roses
And rubbed it on the spot
And drew a rickety heart and
A bent arrow and it hurt like hell

And Funeral Wells spun
Poodle Murphy on the target
As he threw his hardware,
Only once in Sheboygan did he miss
At a matinee on Diamond Pier and
She'd never let him forget it

They were doing two shows and she
Had a high fever and he took
Off a piece of her ear and
Tip Little told her she should
Leave the bum
But Poodle said, "He fetched me
Last time I run."
But I'd like to hammer this ring into a bullet
And I wish I had some whiskey and a gun
My dear

And I wish I had some whiskey and a gun
My dear

Dancer Seeking Audience

I am in a Christmas Musical- not the organized kind, but the variety show "ya never know what you're gonna get" kind.

We're performing in a decorated gym and the money all goes to local schools...

And we've sold out- to amazing, energetic crowds!

I wake up feeling geriatric, not sure if I should get out of bed or not. I am beyond feeling sore- the soreness has seeped into a creaking in my bones- especially my hips. It makes me feel way less sexy and young than I appear to be while dancing.

I also am bummy during the day but feel AMAZING and high while dancing. I'm gonna need some balance STAT!

Last night I was asked to be involved in this year's Spring musical- last year they did "Joseph and His Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat".

I guess I need to find out what they mean by "Spring"- because I'm already producing the "Compassion Unleashed"-now national- Conference in May.

Some may wonder why I do so much- is it ambition? the inability to say "no"? too intense? But I think that all those responses miss something major- I am having fun and I am exploring many artistic mediums- not just the ones that benefit them.

I express something different when in each medium: When I dance, I express my fun, silly, and girly side and soak in the audiences energy. When I act, I express my imagination, explore situations and recall sensations from my body. When I paint- I express connection between ideas floating around in my head within a peaceful immediacy. When I direct, I express love and trying to bring out the best in someone. When I produce, I express power and my ability to perfect, organize and create with a big vision. When I make music, I express raw emotions, hidden parts of my heart, and connect them with the hearts of others. When I write, I release my inner world, a little.

So, as you can see- I'm not really a people pleaser. I'm actually quite narcissitic. But a dancer cannot survive without her audience- and I love them for it.

Bag Lady

Lately I feel like my life is lived in bags.
Shopping Bags, Travel Bags, Plastic Bags...
Each bag has been transporting one area of my life to another-
Here is a present,
Here's your required appetizer,
Here's my dance shoes,
Here's my costume,
Here's my make-up...
Here I am in a bag...
One day I'll be transported in a body bag and forgotten beneath the Earth's surface.
Transitory Bag Lady.

What's in a word?

My Mom swears my first word was "Sauvignon"...

...and my sister Angela's was "Rollercoaster".

She also says I was the only one of her four children that had an imaginary friend.

...WINE drinking imaginary friend...

Blaze!

Today I went on a walk to the liquor store to see if I could stomach my minds ambition, and I kid you not, I saw a tree that looked like it was on fire but in leaf form!

I met this guy at Matt Patterson's Halloween party that told me that trees worship the sun, their life-giving force, and teach us how we are to worship God. Their leaves follow the sun as it moves through the day, reaching towards the sun (I think that's actually certain types of flowers, but I wasn't about to stop his theorizing). Then in the fall, they turn the color of flames to reflect the sun, reminding us of purification, self-sacrifice and the cycles of death. In the winter they are colorless, leafless, mourning the loss of the sun, and in the spring they jump back to life and are re-born. The tree cannot live without the sun and, is trying to mimic it.

As I listened to it, I thought, "uh huh, definitely in the Bay Area. Thank you hippie Mister". But something resonated with me that I couldn't put my finger on until I saw this flaming tree today of oranges and reds and yellows. I put a fallen leaf in my purse hoping that next time I go searching in my purse for something on a grey and dreary day, I'll find a little bit of color again.

It is amazing how even the smallest amount of rain changes the way I see color, especially reds and greens. Have you ever watched a person with red hair as they walked outside on a grey day? I kid you not, their head stands out and makes the world a better place! I always swear I am going to re-dye my hair red when it rains and instead I end up watching "Moulin Rouge" or humming something from "The Little Mermaid".

I am thankful for something warm and color-infused in the middle of a murky grey. I have never been a great fan of grey. I know it's supposed to say "sophisticated" and "foundational" but to me is says "lethargy" and "dull".

I guess, what I am trying to say poorly is this- you never know what lies beneath the surface of a grey day. Although you might be particularly gloomy, someone else might be on a walk for the first time post-food poisoning discovering a flame-like tree, humming "Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?" and trying not to slip on a big grease puddle.

And that my friends is something you can put in your "Chicken Soup for the Soul" pipe and smoke!

Target's Cheese Pizza: NOT Your Friend!!!

Now, it may not come as a surprise to some that eating a personal cheese pizza from Target's "Pizza Hut" is asking for trouble... However, in my delirium of shopping, I decided to listen to my very cranky stomach at nearly 10pm and partook of such a pizza.

I should have thought twice about the fact that someone else had vomited in the Target bathroom. I should have thought thrice when the girl traded out my pizza box with another saying, "uh, here. This one's more fresh". Oh, but my stomach was not to be stopped! It would not listen to my brain shouting, "you don't even LIKE cheese!" No, it set it's rumblings about that little box of cardboard and would have no other.
What it didn't know is what really laid inside was a large amount of bacteria lovingly placed inside a gooey, round shaped facade.

Just look at this ad and tell me, would your stomach be fooled?!?

This ad is RIGHT! While some pizza companies might want to lay off adding bacteria to their personal pan pizzas, Pizza Hut refuses to cut corners!

That's right my lovely readers, I ended up with the WORSE case of food poisoning I have EVER had in my life!!!

At some point yesterday, when I was trying to figure out how to get out my predicament, I landed on Web MD's article on "Recognizing Food Poisoning"as well as a few other web articles. Not only did I have every single one of the symptoms (except for the ones for "Botulism", thank the good Lord above), I found them to be quite incomplete in their descriptions. So I thought it only fair to "talk shop" with you all and share my new knowledge...

"Food poisoning is a common, yet distressing and sometimes life-threatening problem for millions of people in the U.S., and throughout the world. People infected with foodborne organisms may be symptom-free or may have symptoms ranging from mild intestinal discomfort to severe dehydration and bloody diarrhea. Depending on the type of infection, people can even die as a result of food poisoning.
More than 250 different diseases can cause food poisoning. Some of the most common diseases are infections caused by bacteria, such as Campylobacter, Salmonella, Shigella, E. coli O157:H7, Listeria, and botulism." (Thanks WebMD!)

(Basically, it's a very wordy way of saying "Expect to feel like you've been flushed down the toilet... A FEW TIMES!")

And now... a drum roll for the symptoms...

• Acute Vomiting
  
• Acute Diarrhea

Basically "acute" is a nice way of saying expect a large stick of dynamite to be implanted into your stomach and not know which way it's going to explode- if you're lucky, expect it to go off at the same time! Yay!

• Abdominal Pain and Cramping

OK, now, being a lady, I am no stranger to the abdominal pain and cramping... let me tell you, this was NOT it! This felt like open wounds inside my body and my abdominal muscles were convulsing in a major temper tantrum!

• Nausea

I think this means "sick to your stomach". Uh, pretty sure the acute vomiting and diarrhea and abdominal pain and cramping had this one covered... nausea... sheesh!

• Fever and Chills

Imagine your worst day having the flu- the sweating, the shaking, the seeing weird things that aren't there- on top of all these other symptoms. Oh yeah, that was a blast. I had my face up against my open window and was surrounded in a million blankets.

• Malaise (what they in the medical profession define as "general uneasiness")

OK, now this might at first glance seem like a no brainer. But let me tell you what lie beneath the whole malaise surface... a restlessness that cannot be quenched. When you've thrown up for the SIXTH time, rest is your friend- but I could NOT lay still! I swear to you that my SKIN hurt!

• Headaches

Once the majority of the Acute Vomiting and Diarrhea had subsided, I realized I had had a headache the whole time. Isn't that weird? One of the ones on the top and sides of the head, like someone had been scrunching it for the last 24 hours. Probably fever related.




Now, here's what the medical professionals in their weird, impersonal way left out. If you have food poisoning, you can expect the following:

• Standing up WILL make you throw up again. I tried to walk halfway down the driveway (we're talking less than 50 yards) to meet my step-mom holding a bag of grocery goodies for me and after her heart-felt welcome of "Don't we look lovely" (followed by my groan and her hugging me and saying) "poor baby", I had to say, "uh, thanks, I gotta go..." ... run to the bathroom and throw up for the millionth time!


• Drinking water is a BAD idea (expect to see that again in about 5 minutes).


• Eating more than half a Popsicle is straight out (although it adds color to a rather unpleasant situation, so, for the aesthetically minded, maybe this may offer a humorous small relief).


• In fact drinking more than about a tablespoons worth of bright blue powerade or pedialite is not possible (both would make you want to vomit under any other circumstances, but today, they are your best friends!).


• Your family, regardless of any post-Thanksgiving tiffs, are truly your best friends!


• You will smell, your house will smell, everything smells, because vomit is coming out of your nose!


• If you have OCD, you also have my sympathy! I literally had a swarm of small fruit flies circling around my body at one point. I totally felt like Pig Pen! THIS IS NORMAL! Just try to embrace the disgusting- I tried taking a shower, because I couldn't handle it anymore, and that completely backfired!


• If you can't eat food yet, you really shouldn't be thinking about going back to work. This is a tough one for me, but important! Do you really want that gurgling stomach and intestine to stay gurgling all week?


• And, most importantly, call the health department and the manager of the store! If you can sit up, you're getting back the fight in you!!! =)

So, from all my research, it appears that the cheese in my pizza was not properly pasteurized. Someone phone Louis Pasteur!!! STAT!

The moral of my story is this: Target's Pizza Hut Personal Cheese Pizza- NOT your friend!!!

The sub-moral might be this: Vegan, it really IS better for your health!