"I can't get no... satisfaction"

“Creatures are not born with desires unless satisfaction for those desires exists. A baby feels hunger: well, there is such a thing as food. A duckling wants to swim: well, there is such a thing as water…If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world. If none of my earthly pleasures satisfy it, that does not prove that the universe is a fraud. Probably, earthly pleasures were never meant to satisfy it, but only arouse it, to suggest the real thing.”
--C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

... So, what are your desires?

He has no idea...

I think these are the best surprises...

He'll love it- that is IF I can catch up with him in these dagnamit mountains before I move or he moves...

I loathe change.

I'm still deciding on the title.

Either "Jakey" or "When the Mirror Lies".

Mixed Medium on wood. Around 2'x2'. (I don't really feel like measuring.)

I guess I'll come out of my "cave" now and hang out with the real world. It gets kinda lonely in the cave and I get sick of myself- sick of my whining. But I have to stay in the "cave" til I figure out what I'm whining about...

This time? I think I'm scared to move. I know what it's like to be lonely here- in the same state as people who love you, know you, share your history. Nashville's an unknown lonely.

I've decided I'm pretty self-absorbed and demanding and I hate me this week. I'm scared I'll be left, which is pretty ironic when it's me doing the leaving- leaving LA, leaving friendships, leaving family, leaving pretty Yosemite nature- all in the name of Individualism. Or is it just that I have my identity wrapped up in other people and what they think of me that I am panicking about what will I do when they are gone?

I hope I go through this for a higher calling. I saw "Amazing Grace" last night and it confirmed the loneliness in the calling. The Bible talks a lot about persecution but I think that modern day persecution looks a little bit more like missing your friends and ex-lovers. Of course the worst is when you miss "them" (or what you have created these to be in your mind) when you are standing right in front of the actual them. Mostly, I feel screwed up and little on the melancholy side. It's easy for me to give people lots of room for grace- for me, I fear it's the standard of perfection, or I doom myself to the simple label of "lame".

The most important thing when coming out of the "cave" is to find balance again.

Where are you, Balance?

I feel safer with a paint brush...